A few years ago, I asked a couple who was celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary what their secret was for a long and happy marriage. The wife replied that they tried not to go to bed angry at each other.
I wonder what other couples who have been married for five or six decades might say. Would they agree or would they have other “secrets of success?” I’ll bet if we gathered a group of couples like that, their answers we would be good material for a book.
No doubt, there are some lessons we can learn from people who have had successful marriages. For example, Billy Graham talks about his marriage to his wife, Ruth, in his book entitled, Just As I Am: The Autobiography of Billy Graham. He says, “Ruth and I don’t have a perfect marriage, but we have a great one. How can I say two things that seem so contradictory? In a perfect marriage, everything is always the finest and best imaginable; like a Greek statue, the proportions are exact and the finish is unblemished. Who knows any human beings like that? For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic… The sooner we accept that as a fact of life, the better we will be able to adjust to each other and enjoy togetherness. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.” (Graham, Billy. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1997.)
Of course, accepting the imperfections in our spouses also means having lots of love, patience, tolerance, and forgiveness, just like our Heavenly Father shows toward us. This is close to the idea that Apostle Paul expresses about virtues that every Christian should develop. 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:12-14 NIV)
Come to think about it, maybe God allows marriage between two imperfect people because it gives them the workshop to develop their Christian character. For example, a heated argument between a husband and wife is a good opportunity to start practicing compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. It takes faith to overcome our human tendency to fight back. But when we do, our step of faith begins to transform us into godlier people, while it defuses the argument.
Let’s try practicing these virtues in all our relationships, especially in our marriages and families. They will help make them better and stronger. Then, on your fiftieth wedding anniversary, you will have a good answer to the question about the secret of your marital success.
Remember, God loves you and so do I.
Phil
Copyright © 2010 Philip Walter